of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
