I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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