Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
