My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
