I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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