Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
