i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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