Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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