i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
