we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
