I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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