I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
