I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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