I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
