I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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