I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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