i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
