I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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