Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
