this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
