Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My breath smells like gin and sadness
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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