Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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