So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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