i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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