The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
