no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
