You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The Olympian is in my bed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
