I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
