He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I touched a dick in church today
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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