I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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