my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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