you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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