I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
