Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
a search helicopter?!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize