i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
