You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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