I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Do you still have your period?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
