Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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