Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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