I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
