And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
