yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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