Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
