I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
