the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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