i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
