I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
