Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
