my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
