Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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