I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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