I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
