She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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