oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
