please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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