Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
