How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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