I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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