ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
