I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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