I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
