Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Fuck appropriateness.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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