Cold hands, warm shart.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
