who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
