I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
